Our Journey Begins...

Our new Kenworth T2000

Friday, January 16th, 2009

THE JOURNEY BEGINS!

Ahh… so many emotions. The past week has been a hurricane of thoughts, emotions and decisions. It’s official. Ralph and I have decided to take the plunge and go on the road together. Wow… the stuff that it entails just to come to that decision. Overwhelming to say the least! My emotions are raw right now. I had thought I was raw with the peri, but this decision is the one that will and is in the process of peeling away to the very core of who I am. (lol I think that every time there’s change)

I’ve been mom, nana and annie. My identity. My purpose. That's been the hardest part, thinking of not being available for my kids. I was 'crynin' (Lukies word for crying when he was a baby) I was crying like something was dying, or had died. It was me, in the process of dying to self, to my identity.

And yes, I’ve been a wife. And I’ve worked hard, prayed hard, slipped, stumbled, fallen and found victory in being my husband’s wife. Being a wife of a truck driver is hard. It’s a hard life. It’s a lonely life. It’s a life not appeased. But it’s life. And all in all it‘s been a good and blessed one!

So many things to consider. So many things to die to. But, so much potential in God and our marriage and the overflow to our family. We know He’s leading us. Ralph and I have been praying together everyday since March 22. We have been building upon a deeper relationship with the Lord in our marriage. We haven’t been praying specifically about this move for that length of time. Just praying. I’ve been dealing with an ‘upchuck’ of emotional stuff for several years now. A lot of ‘throwing up’ of past issues. Last March, the 22nd, the day before my 46th birthday, there was a 'melt-down' here...again... and Ralph said that the Lord spoke to him after watching a segment on FOX news with Louise Duart and Squire Rusnell about a 40 day prayer challenge for married couples to pray 5 min. together everyday, that if he took this challenge and began praying with me everyday that this season will be a successful one and healing would come through this process of praying with me. If you know Ralph at all.. to make that statement of the Lord speaking to him was not common place a year ago.

A 40 day challenge. It was awesome that he even said that to me. It was a GREAT day. A foundation was ready to be built. It was good but hard and didn't always work out the way we/I wanted it to. I still came upon emotional roadblocks. Ralph and I were both fighting our own battles at times. Of course there would be battles! Would the enemy of our souls ever want to see a couple make a commitment to the Lord to pray together everyday? By the 40th day I cried saying we're the only couple in the world that this challenge didn't come through for. What a bunch of bull, eh? Our prayer foundation was being built after 27 years of marriage and being seperated every week through Ralph's job.

Thank God Ralph didn't stop praying after the 40 days were up!! Thank God we didn't both give up when the waves of emotions for both of us would soar to try to stop this beautiful thing the Lord began in us. "Behold, the former things have come to pass, and new things I declare, before they spring forth I tell you of them." Isaiah:42:9 :) We’ve been seriously discussing this move for a few years now. It’s always been something we’ve kinda mentioned back and forth throughout the years. I really was never fully able to see myself ‘trucking’ until a few years ago. That began the major process of the pondering of pros and cons and praying the Lord’s guiding hand in all of it.

He began the process several years ago in prompting me to 'let go' of different aspects of my home. The first I remember right now was in my living room. Ralph wanted to set up exercise equipment in the living room.... ughh! If you know me at all, I'm a better homes and gardens kinda girl! When I was a little girl I use to dream about my future home, a lovely, clean and organized home. I use to draw pictures of a home that I would love to live in when I grew up. I live in that home now. :) I love my home! I love being a homemaker. I felt the Lord speak to me to comtemplate what was more important, my living room or my relationship with my husband. I was shown how many areas of the house I have control over and that's not a bad thing, because I am here all the time and he's not...but God was doing a 'new thing' and so I let go. Ralph never decided to put the items in the living room and all was well. I did eventually end up with an inversion machine in the corner of the living room. Funny story about how that looks from the outside looking in according to Jeff and Angie! lol

I am now in the process of beginning a life on the road. Giving it ALL up to travel with my husband. Giving it up so that we can spend time together. Time with each other and time with the Lord together. It's exciting and scary!

My girls (Angie and Adrienne) understand the Lord's plan in all of this. I couldn't have even considered it without their blessings and their understandings in it all. As a matter of fact we came close to this journey a couple of years ago, but it wasn't the right timing. Things just weren't coming together and we hadn't begun praying together everyday. I believe that has been the key.

Well that is a tidbit of what this blog is all about. I will be writing about our journeys together on the road. I have a couple of short stories I've written about previous times I've been with him and I will add those stories to this blog. Fun stuff!

All isn't 'set in stone' yet. Ralph has a few more weeks of work and will give his two weeks notice next week. He has been home with me the past 9 days as we have been getting things in order. He had a phone interview yesterday and we are set up to be in orientation the second week in Feb. We will go through orientation and get all the paper work signed for our new Kenworth that week and will be dispatched right out from there. I will be doing our paperwork as it will be our business together. I'm going to really learn the trucking industry after all these years. It seems so crazy, what I am giving up! Time with my kids anytime I want it, number 1. A home that I love. Baths everyday! My own bathroom! Ikes!!

Ralph has asked me to pray this week in my alone time with the Lord...just to make sure and he will pray also. He's concerned about me missing the kids. Pshh...well.. who isn't, eh? ;)

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6